feeling peaceful... a train ride away

I'm sitting on a train right now attempting to work, yet again I would rather post on here, my attempt to get the juices flowing. I've been on the train for the last 6 hrs and I'm not the least bothered by this.

I find train trips peaceful. There is something about the motion and sounds that put me at ease. I always prefer train to taking the bus. There's enough room that I'm able to work comfortably, I can nap or just look out the window and enjoy the scenery.

On a long ride like this I tend to do a lot of thinking. I find long car rides or train rides I experience this sense of clarity - things seem to all of a sudden make sense. It's mind blowing (at least to me). I can't really explain why it happens in these situations. I'm guessing that part of it has to do with the length of time in one position, but I'm thinking that if I just sat in a room for the same amount of time I wouldn't get the same effect...who knows though, I've never tried it.

Ah, alright, time to get some work done before the trip ends :)

the purpose in the first place...

I just finished reading through all my posts and although it was nice to walk down memory lane, I realized that the real reason why I started blogging wasn't addressed. I started blogging over 3 years ago with the goal of working towards self acceptance however I was scared. My thought was that if I wasn't able to accept myself then how were other people going to accept me? Turns out I'm my own worst critic (surprise!).

So my goal, love me for me. Now even though I haven't been blogging about this for the last three years, I have been working behind the scenes on this goal and have come a long way. Now to continue along this route towards my final destination.

There's research that says that if we express our goals to others, we're more likely to stick to them, so here I go!

..first stop... perfection ville...population, me ...and every other grad student out there, lol.

Believe it or not, for a long time I was in denial about being a perfectionist. I would think, me..unorganized, not great with time management... there's no way I'M a perfectionist...turns out I am, lol. My standards for myself go way beyond what is realistic. For instance, I believe that I should be able to work long days (with no breaks) and take no time off. In other words, I believe I should be a machine, which I'm not.

I think this belief started when I began grad school. All that pressure to be the best got to me, I guess. So now instead of down playing my successes, I'm going to give credit where credit is due.

Here's to walking the path to a better me :)

time flies or for now I wait...

So it's been awhile since I have posted on the site. I didn't realize how long until I saw the date of my last posting "November 24, 2009"...holy shit has it been that long?! I never intended to neglect my blog, though that's what ended up happening.

I could claim the excuse that I've been too busy with school and although true, I think the main reason was that I feel guilt when I take time to write on a blog instead of using that time to work on school work....guilt for the things I enjoy... that's sad...

So today, I write! Not sure really about what but the point is I'm allowing myself time to engage in writing I enjoy. Not to say that I have stopped the creative process all together when I haven't been blogging. I have been writing poetry and prose when inspiration hits. Sometimes the urge to write creatively is so strong that I have no choice but to push aside the school papers and start expressing my thoughts on paper (or in this case electronic paper).

My thoughts for today or at least at the moment:

It's amazing how quickly time flies, I means it's been over two years since my last posting and to me it felt no where near as long. I thought maybe a year, but not two.

I think the perception of time is quite fascinating and although I'm aware of research that shows that people have a tendency to perceive time as closer or further away depending on certain factors, it still amazes me. Take for instance, looking back on our past and we perceive time to have gone by so fast, yet when looking towards the future we see it to be so far away.

There have been a number of times where I have been eager for something and the waiting has agonizing (yeah, I'm probably exaggerating, but I really don't like waiting). On that note, I know I'm not the only one that struggles with being impatient. They say patience is a virtue, it is definitely one I lack or need to improve. To me waiting is only awful when I really want what I'm waiting for, otherwise I could care less about having to wait (I assume that is characteristic of other people as well).

At the moment, I'm feeling overly impatient waiting for something, but as it's out of my hands, all I can do is wait...

That's all for now, I hope the next time I write will not be two years from now.

Good day to all!