Life

I just got home a bit ago from an early birthday celebration, it was such a good night. It's pretty late right now (230am). I had anticipating the festivities to come to a close around 10 maybe 11 at the latest, but fortunately I got to enjoy my friends company for longer.

As part of my nightly ritual before I go to sleep, I tend to wind down by checking fb, watching some youtube clips and/or chatting. It's pretty quiet right now - seems everyone is asleep. When I logged into fb, I noticed on the home page that a friend of mine just lost one of her best friends, he was not even thirty.

Life isn't always what we expect.... I go about life with plans yet those plans although set aren't a guarantee. I find when someone passes away, it puts life into perspective again (i'm sure this happens with many). I begin thinking about my priorities and where they currently fall in my life.

The main priorities in my life are my relationships (family, friends), school (which is pretty much my career) and my own self care. In general, I tend to get wrapped up in school work and become less focused on myself and my relationships. The first sacrifice tends to be sleep... it's just the easiest thing to cut but so detrimental when you're not getting enough sleep (given that's it's 240am, i'm not on a roll with this). I would love to get at least 7 hours a night of sleep but that seems like such a far reach when there's so much external pressures. With family and friends, I'm not able to visit as much as I would like. I love school but I really want to find that balance.

While I was thinking about my priorities in my life, I had this idea of googling the words "life" and "priorities."

When I google imaged the word life, this image was the first to appear..

This picture is really fitting... what's better than making the most of life by living, laughing and loving. By living life you're making the most of it - so that when you die - you made something of your life. By laughing you're ensuring that your life is filled with joy. I actually have this goal of making one of my friends laugh really hard - a step above a rofl (rolling on the floor laughing) or rosl (rolling on the seat laughing) lol. I think she's winning so far but it's hard to really know how much she's laughing at something when we're chatting online. Last but certainly not least, by loving others, you're filling your life with such a beautiful experience. I dont think there's any greater feeling than loving someone and I dont just mean romantic, platonic love as well is really beautiful. I'd like to add to this image with acceptance... although I think this is implied in love. By accepting others, we're opening ourselves to a wealth of opportunity to meet amazing people. I know that since I've become more accepting I've met people that I wouldn't have otherwise had I been the type to easily judge others. The way I see it is I dont want to be judged for who I am or what I believe, so why would I judge another, just wouldn't make sense.

when I google imaged the word priorities, this image was the first to appear...

At first I thought to myself, what a boring picture... then I thought, no wait a second .. this makes sense. People prioritize priorities, this is great to do. I think the problem lies (at least a problem I've experienced) in which priority is high, medium or low. During my Masters (less so now due to some circumstances) school was my highest priority - above my own self care, my relationships, etc. then I realized that school isn't my entire life, that my other priorities are just as if not more important. I mean what is life if there's no one to share it with...or what is life if you're not healthy enough to experience it.

So my priorities aren't going to change but the level of priority is changing. School will continue to be a high priority but it will not be so when it is at the expense of my other priorities.

As self care is a high priority, I should sleep now.

Here's to Living, Laughing, Loving and to knowing where your priorities should fall.

feeling peaceful... a train ride away

I'm sitting on a train right now attempting to work, yet again I would rather post on here, my attempt to get the juices flowing. I've been on the train for the last 6 hrs and I'm not the least bothered by this.

I find train trips peaceful. There is something about the motion and sounds that put me at ease. I always prefer train to taking the bus. There's enough room that I'm able to work comfortably, I can nap or just look out the window and enjoy the scenery.

On a long ride like this I tend to do a lot of thinking. I find long car rides or train rides I experience this sense of clarity - things seem to all of a sudden make sense. It's mind blowing (at least to me). I can't really explain why it happens in these situations. I'm guessing that part of it has to do with the length of time in one position, but I'm thinking that if I just sat in a room for the same amount of time I wouldn't get the same effect...who knows though, I've never tried it.

Ah, alright, time to get some work done before the trip ends :)

the purpose in the first place...

I just finished reading through all my posts and although it was nice to walk down memory lane, I realized that the real reason why I started blogging wasn't addressed. I started blogging over 3 years ago with the goal of working towards self acceptance however I was scared. My thought was that if I wasn't able to accept myself then how were other people going to accept me? Turns out I'm my own worst critic (surprise!).

So my goal, love me for me. Now even though I haven't been blogging about this for the last three years, I have been working behind the scenes on this goal and have come a long way. Now to continue along this route towards my final destination.

There's research that says that if we express our goals to others, we're more likely to stick to them, so here I go!

..first stop... perfection ville...population, me ...and every other grad student out there, lol.

Believe it or not, for a long time I was in denial about being a perfectionist. I would think, me..unorganized, not great with time management... there's no way I'M a perfectionist...turns out I am, lol. My standards for myself go way beyond what is realistic. For instance, I believe that I should be able to work long days (with no breaks) and take no time off. In other words, I believe I should be a machine, which I'm not.

I think this belief started when I began grad school. All that pressure to be the best got to me, I guess. So now instead of down playing my successes, I'm going to give credit where credit is due.

Here's to walking the path to a better me :)

time flies or for now I wait...

So it's been awhile since I have posted on the site. I didn't realize how long until I saw the date of my last posting "November 24, 2009"...holy shit has it been that long?! I never intended to neglect my blog, though that's what ended up happening.

I could claim the excuse that I've been too busy with school and although true, I think the main reason was that I feel guilt when I take time to write on a blog instead of using that time to work on school work....guilt for the things I enjoy... that's sad...

So today, I write! Not sure really about what but the point is I'm allowing myself time to engage in writing I enjoy. Not to say that I have stopped the creative process all together when I haven't been blogging. I have been writing poetry and prose when inspiration hits. Sometimes the urge to write creatively is so strong that I have no choice but to push aside the school papers and start expressing my thoughts on paper (or in this case electronic paper).

My thoughts for today or at least at the moment:

It's amazing how quickly time flies, I means it's been over two years since my last posting and to me it felt no where near as long. I thought maybe a year, but not two.

I think the perception of time is quite fascinating and although I'm aware of research that shows that people have a tendency to perceive time as closer or further away depending on certain factors, it still amazes me. Take for instance, looking back on our past and we perceive time to have gone by so fast, yet when looking towards the future we see it to be so far away.

There have been a number of times where I have been eager for something and the waiting has agonizing (yeah, I'm probably exaggerating, but I really don't like waiting). On that note, I know I'm not the only one that struggles with being impatient. They say patience is a virtue, it is definitely one I lack or need to improve. To me waiting is only awful when I really want what I'm waiting for, otherwise I could care less about having to wait (I assume that is characteristic of other people as well).

At the moment, I'm feeling overly impatient waiting for something, but as it's out of my hands, all I can do is wait...

That's all for now, I hope the next time I write will not be two years from now.

Good day to all!